A List of Everything
by Malty
Summary: A year after he dragged him back home, Naruto plans a surprise party for Sasuke. It goes about as well as you'd expect. NaruSasu / SasuNaru


'A surprise party,' said Kiba, 'A surprise party for Sasuke. So you have a death wish?'

'He loves surprise parties,' said Naruto, 'he just doesn't know it yet.'

'Yeah you know what he already knows he loves? Stabbing people in the neck.'

Naruto shook his head. 'Sasuke's like a bus, you just need to catch him at the right time.'

Kiba shook his head. 'That metaphor is straining as bad as your pants when you talk about the Ice Lord.'

Naruto punched him in the arm. 'That earns you blowing up balloons duty.'

Kiba pushed him. 'Real balloons? Or all the condoms you'll need when you go at him?'

'I'm starting to think _you_ have a thing for him since you're the one always going on about doing him.'

'Whatever. Just try to remember that the real Sasuke, the one who doesn't live in your head, hates 3 things; surprises, people, and cheer. Probably cake, too. You're throwing a party for the antichrist, dude.'

Naruto glared, but not because Kiba was wrong.

'We just need to wait for his bad mood to ebb.'

'He's been in a bad mood since he was 12.'

'Kiba! Stop fucking this up!'

'Technically Sasuke's fucking it up.'

'Kiba..' Naruto gripped his own hair in frustration. 'I don't want to go over this again. Please. I'll only kick your ass anyway.'

Kiba held his hands up.

'Look, it was never that I didn't like Sasuke. I don't, but that's besides the point.'

'You aren't discouraging me from the ass-kicking thing.'

'Naruto, a break up's too big to handle on your own, it's like a house so big that by the time you finish cleaning it, it's dirty again-'

'Like you've ever cleaned a house.'

'-or a burger of such intimidating girth that it would be impossible to finish before it turns cold and the cheese congeals.'

'Ew,' said Naruto, 'girth.' Kiba laughed and Naruto granted him a smile in return before focussing on the ground.

'Me and Sasuke were never together.'

'I know, man. Everyone knows that. But you don't leave your best friend like that, you just don't. It's bad enough that _he_ won't admit that without you helping him.'

Naruto stayed quiet, like he often did when the Japan Incident was mentioned.

'So Sakura took you out and listened to you and I answered your phone calls with '_He was a bastard and you don't need him anyway_.' I would have said that if you'd been left by Angelina Jolie, man. I don't like The Ice Lord, but honestly it was mostly just for show.'

Naruto didn't look convinced.

'I'll bring the party bags,' said Kiba, and Naruto grinned. Both the best and worst thing about Naruto was how easily he forgave people.

Naruto tried the 'good mood' line on all the potential guests. Kiba's favourite reaction was Sai's with 'I doubt we have that kind of time.'

'Sasuke is a bus,' Naruto said. The weird thing was that it worked.

'So now we need fuel for this party. What does Sasuke drink?'

'The blood of his victims? I'm usually already drunk by the time he turns up.'

'I bet Sakura would know.'

'I'll text her. For some reason I'm thinking scotch or whiskey or something else expensive. Something you sip at while you judge people.'

'That's because he's fucking rich.'

'Sometimes rich people have bad taste,' said Naruto. 'Sasuke doesn't like ramen.'

'We're over thinking this.'

'We were once kicked out of a McDonalds for fighting, Kiba; we don't over think things.'

'We were politely escorted, it's not like we got banned.'

'Only because they couldn't afford to lose our business.'

'We'll figure it out when we get there. What did Sakura say?'

"_He doesn't really drink, just avoid beer or anything you drink in shots. See you at the party xx_." Aw two kisses.'

'Okay no beer or shots.. What else is there?'

An hour later, they sat in McDonalds surrounded by empty burger wrappers and their bounty; a tall bottle of canary yellow liquid so thick it could be used as an alcoholic custard.

'Oh dear Jesus,' said Naruto.

'Mother of fuck,' said Kiba.

'I'm going to start carrying a toothbrush with me.'

'It tastes like a kitten fucked a rainbow. And then I drank it.'

Naruto finished a deep swig of paper-cup Coca Cola before taking another sip of yellow just in case it got better the second time. He screwed his nose up thoughtfully.

'It tastes about as good as disappointment can.'

'IT'S PANCAKE MIX.'

Naruto stared at him.

'Kiba, you're shouting at McDonalds staff. Their lives suck enough.'

'I-don't-want-to-be-kicked-out-for-drinking-on-the -premises.'

'Oh yeah. SHIT I LOVE PANCAKES. Hey is anyone bringing presents?'

'Already got mine,' said Kiba, and grinned as he replaced the cap on the happiest, most sickening thing he'd ever tasted. It would look great with a bow.

Sasuke worked in a ridiculous building. It stood taller than Superman could leap, the imposing kind of thing that could be the building equivalent of the Ice Lord; cold and tall, casting everything in shadow. All Kiba's totally original observations of course, and in no way helped by the huge 'Uchiha Industries' sign emblazoned on the side.

It was the last place you'd expect a party.

Luckily, Naruto was friends with the security guard.

'You are such a social whore.'

'I'm a promoter, that's literally what I get paid for.'

'I don't think that guard values his job very much.'

'That uniform does nothing to flatter Kakashi, he'd be better off somewhere else.'

'_The uniform doesn't flatter Kakashi?!_ Did you fuck Kakashi to get us in? Are you a literal whore?'

'You are obsessed with who I fuck! It's literally ridiculous!'

'We need to stop saying literally.'

Using all the stalker at his disposal Naruto deduced that Sasuke was likely to be at the office around 8pm tying up loose ends. Everyone had arrived by 7.50. Then 8.10 passed without him. By 8.20, everyone had given up on the 'surprise' part and Naruto went to investigate. The lift wasn't working, so he endured 20 sets of stairs down to the front desk to find Kakashi with a girl on his lap and a button on the security console flashing. Naruto pressed it to hear a low voice mid-sentence; Sasuke, his image in black and white on the security camera, stood alone in a box. It sounded like he'd been muttering for a while.

'..14th floor, that's definitely far enough. I should call 911..'

'Sasuke? What are you doing?'

'Naruto. You fucking. Idiot.'

'Hi. What are you doing?'

'The lift is stuck you dobe.'

Naruto laughed. 'Only you would get stuck in a lift rather than come to your own party.'

'Party?'

'..Fuck.'

'I don't want to know. Get help so I can get out of here - _before_ the air runs out.'

'Sasuke are you claustrophobic?'

'Isn't everyone when they're stuck in a lift?'

'I dunno I've never been stuck in a lift.'

'You will be.'

Sometimes, Naruto could see what people meant when they said Sasuke was scary.

'Sasuke, are you okay?'

Sasuke rolled his eyes and thumped his head against the lift wall as if he'd forgotten he was being watched.

'Just get me out of here,' he said.

The image formed of Sasuke waving a banner above his head crying, 'Help me Naruto, rescue me with your manly arms!' because Sasuke never admitted to needing help. He wondered what else Sasuke might do that he never did.

Naruto wandered up to the 14th floor, with only a short break on 8th because Jesus Christ that was a lot of stairs. He cracked open the outer doors to the lift shaft and saw it idling a few feet below.

'Bingo.'

He jumped down on top of the lift, worried a second too late that it might not hold, then pulled himself down into the lift itself once he found the opening.

Sasuke was stood exactly where he'd left him, only everything was kind of fuzzy at the edges. Only now did he realise the drinks were kicking in.

He spread his arms in a tah-dah motion.

'Well there's something I can't scrub out of my memory,' said Sasuke, but his whole posture changed in a way that would look identical to everyone else but was to Naruto a clear sign of happiness at his presence.

'Happy birthday Sasuke!'

Sasuke stared at him.

'Thank you. What do you intend to do now we're _both_ trapped in here?'

'We help each other out. I'll give you a boost then you reach in and pull me out.'

'How novel.'

Naruto frowned like he didn't understand why Sasuke was being difficult. It came off more puppy dog than he intended.

'That's actually smart. Whatever. Can we get out of here?'

'We have to climb a bit, you're stuck between floors.'

Sasuke's voice said, 'Yes well I figured that's why the doors wouldn't open,' but his posture said, _'Sweet Jesus I'm going to die and my last words will have been exchanged with a moron.' _Naruto felt sorry for him, he really was freaked out.

'We should wait for help,' Sasuke said.

'Why? I am helping.'

'Jesus Christ. Have you never seen Resident Evil?'

'No.'

'The lift falls and they all die, Naruto. Haven't you seen Devil?'

'No. You have strangely specific film tastes. I'm less and less surprised this has happened to you. You attract what you think about, haven't you ever read The Secret?'

'No.'

'Sasuke, I'm really glad you asked for my help.'

'_That's_ how you're choosing to remember this?'

'Right. I've seen this, but I've never done it,' Naruto said, cupping his hands together and lifting an imaginary weight. 'Let's see if it works.'

'Was it Cirque Du Soleil?'

'Yes actually, but just on TV. I could never afford the real thing.'

'You know just how to inspire faith don't you?'

'Stop questioning me!'

Sasuke and Naruto were both in good shape owing to a combination of active lifestyles, youth, and undiscriminating metabolisms, but their escape attempt was still a mess. Sasuke scrambled to get out and Naruto gripped him too hard. They made it on to the top of the lift bruised and panting.

'I can lift you again,' said Naruto, pointing to the open doors feet above them. Sasuke was tall enough to do it on his own, but he _was_ shaking.

'Puh-lease,' said Sasuke.

'You know you don't have to be sarcastic all the time, I'm trying to help you.'

'That wasn't sarcasm, I said please.'

Naruto looked at him in the half-dark.

'Well there's a first.'

They sat on the landing together once they were free; Naruto had wanted to go to straight to the party but Sasuke 'needed a minute,' and for all their mutual antagonism Naruto was inclined to give him what he wanted.

The Sasuke sat with him now, shaken and pissed, was the Sasuke the others never saw.

Naruto knew the reason Sasuke was such a bitch most of the time, and he knew why people didn't get it. He had so much that other people wanted. No one cared that it wasn't what _Sasuke_ wanted. He'd been gifted early on in life with all the things people craved; money, position, good looks, (he guessed – whatever), and intelligence. Then he'd found out immediately that those things meant nothing when what truly mattered was taken away from you. People envied Sasuke rather than befriending him.

Except Naruto Uzumaki who did everything possible to engage him. Who drove him to distraction and insistently pulled him closer at the same time. Who didn't care that Sasuke's instinct was to pull away from closeness lest he get hurt, because Naruto wasn't going anywhere.

Naruto wasn't immune to the jealousy people felt towards Sasuke, but it wasn't that important in the list of things he felt about him, because how important could one thing be in a list of everything?

Jesus, how much did he drink?

'Stop staring at me, idiot.'

'Why did you leave?'

Sasuke sighed. 'Naruto, we've been through this.'

'No, I know all of that. How could you leave me?'

Sasuke froze.

'And don't say you didn't. You knew what it would do to me. You acted like I didn't even have a right to be mad.'

'We weren't together Naruto.'

'Don't say that! It's so fucking weak and you are not weak, Sasuke. You don't have to be fucking someone for them to matter.'

Naruto kicked the wall in front of him. It left a footprint.

Sasuke stretched his legs out in front of him. He tapped Naruto's calf with the sole of his foot and let out a long breath.

'Okay,' he said, but it seemed to be to himself. 'Okay.'

'We weren't together, Naruto.'

'I fucking know that-'

'And it was killing me.'

Naruto's eyes whipped to his face.

'I needed to know who I was without you. I couldn't breathe around you. I don't.. I don't have anyone. I needed you so much it scared the shit out of me. It still does. When you tracked me down in Japan I've never felt so pissed and so happy at someone at the same time. That's how you make me feel all the time.'

Sasuke crossed his arms, like he was resigning himself to something.

'So I ran.'

Naruto stayed very still. He felt like his face was on fire for some reason. They were just words, so how come they were affecting him like this? How come it was taking such physical strain to keep the grin from his face?

'I actually thought you wanted to murder me.'

'I said I was pissed.'

'So, are you saying you want to date me?'

'No-I-do-not-want-to-date-you.'

'Fine we won't date. We'll just hang out from time to time, you know? See each other on public holidays, and make sure we're present for special occasions. And dress up. And bring wine. Or whatever guys bring each other when they're Not Dating.'

Sasuke picked at the carpet.

'That's not fair. You don't feel the same way, it wouldn't be fair to me.'

Naruto put his hand over Sasuke's, stilling it.

'Who said that? How do you know? You didn't even give me a chance. I came to fucking Japan for you! Sasuke, if you want me you'd better tell me now before I'm crushed under the mountain of credit card debt because I still haven't paid off that fucking plane ticket and it was a year and 17 days ago!'

Sasuke looked at him, long black lashes framing his eyes as he realised that the same Naruto who got kicked out of McDonalds for fighting knew exactly how many days it had been since he coaxed Sasuke back.

Naruto let go of his hand. Not because he didn't like holding it - which was weird - but because he had this weird feeling whenever Sasuke looked at him straight-on like that. The feeling that if he wanted, he could make Sasuke do anything. It was the last thing he ever expected from him and the last thing he wanted to see right now.

'Why..' said Sasuke in this quiet voice that would make any of his fangirls melt, just dissolve right there in a puddle. 'You could have someone normal.'

Naruto leaned in close, the better to slap him on the cheek. 'Yeesh so could you, idiot. That's the least of our concerns.'

'Do not slap me again. It's so girly.'

'Well try to stop saying stupid things and we'll go from there.'

'I will punch you.'

'I love you too sweetheart, I actually do.'

And he leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, like a joke. Like the over the top kind of physical humour he shared with his friends.

Except Sasuke wasn't his friend. Sasuke had always refused the easy labels, and touching him had never caused Naruto to burn like that.

'Naruto..'

Naruto tilted in, his heart in his throat. 'Can I?'

Sasuke let him.

Naruto had never touched another man like this. His fingers moved across Sasuke's jaw, brushing the stubble and tracing the beautiful bones underneath. Sasuke's lips were cool against his, but his tongue was warm in his mouth. Kissing someone was a combination of pressure, temperature, taste and arousal. Kissing Sasuke was like something he'd always known and never thought to imagine.

'Naruto-'

'Oh God, be saying my name, always.'

Sasuke made a sound in the back of his throat that sent a spike of heat through Naruto so intense he would make it his life mission to hear it again.

Sasuke pulled away just far enough that he could look at him, his eyes clouded by lust.

'What is this? What are we – I don't know what we're doing.'

'I want you.'

'You say that like it explains everything.'

'Sasuke, it explains a LOT.'

Sasuke rested a hand on his knee. He looked so sober right then. Naruto knew it was ridiculous to think, but when he saw how much weight Sasuke carried, and how serious he was, sober was the word that came to mind. Even at the height of his obsession - and he could admit it was an obsession - over bringing Sasuke back, Naruto better resembled a drunk man in his intensity. His was the single-minded nature of someone too intoxicated to see how ridiculous and potentially dangerous their plan was; Sasuke's was more military in execution and results, but fuck, who had more fun?

Naruto stroked Sasuke's hair from his face. That one motion felt more intimate than the movement of Sasuke's tongue inside his mouth, perhaps because with eyes open he was able to see everything Sasuke hid, and how much he wanted it. He wanted everything; every vulnerable moment, the whole tidal wave of nerve, everything this wonderful, sober man had to offer and everything Naruto could give him back.

Because he knew Sasuke, knew everything he kept hidden and chose to show, everything that people wrongly envied him for. And the whole world knew Naruto, he was practically an open _picture_ book. But what no one knew was this third thing between them. It could be anything. It could be everything.

Sasuke smiled. 'So this party.'

'It's no big deal, we can skip it.'

'Liar. Where is it?'

'6 floors up.'

'It's in the _office_?!'

'Where did you think it was?'

'How did you even get past security?'

'..Ninja skills.'

So they went up to the party, and Sasuke spoke politely with the guests who were really Naruto's friends because Naruto was his link to the world. He tried the canary yellow liquid and inquired who had bought it for him, and in the greatest act of love that evening he and Kiba retreated to opposite ends of the room after that. He accepted Sai's offering of artwork with surprising grace considering Naruto was fairly certain it was actually a self-portrait of Sai tweaked to look like Sasuke. He made eye contact with Naruto from across the room. Each time Naruto's pants got a little tighter.

Kiba placed a hand on his shoulder - Naruto wished he wouldn't because although the pants feelings were familiar, the brain signals relating them to Sasuke were new and his Naruto-brain could only handle so much.

'Was he surprised?'

'Not as much as I was.'

'What?'

'I'll tell you later man. Enjoying the party?'

'Hell yesssssss.'

Naruto laughed. 'You're drunk.'

'And you, dear friend, are not nearly drunk enough.'

Kiba handed him the bottle of yellow stuff. Naruto handed it back.

'Thanks but I uh, wanna be alert this evening.'

Sasuke caught his gaze again.

It was too late to make this an innocent thing; too much history between them, too many wounds. Naruto didn't care. He knew what he wanted and he would pursue it with the certainty of a man drunk on the promise of something bigger.

Naruto and Sasuke. Sasuke and Naruto.

As for the third thing?

Well, Naruto loved surprises.

* * *

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